CHAPTER XV

XV

Could it be your own being, this who I had been invoking? I did not mind that male-like manifestation of hers. I put myself in her hands, carried away by some kind of humbleness, which was part of my powerlessness. It might be my imagination’s doing... or perhaps it was She ...or myself… Svelte, virginal, covered by a mane-like wave, merged into an immaculate tunic... The same figure that could also show herself through a mature-looking appearance, with plentiful breasts and hips, like Blodwynn... also sheltered by a rebellious, red burning mass of hair ...Or even that masked image, raven-like, similar to a full-moon night, lit up by some arcane wisdom, alien to all that has been written and taught by men, beyond life itself... Maybe coming from the other side of Lake Styx... Mother... why should’t she wear your face... or that of Aurelia herself...Wasn´t her face that of the Goddess of Wisdom, Enlightener of her Fate..? Yes, Goddess, make me become your instrument. I will be your voice...

Sibyl, tell me ...I am invoking you...

“Calpurnia ...my little one...sweet Calpurnia...Listen to yourself. Do not use wisdom to refuse the barriers that may prevent you from lore, wherever they could come from. No matter who might have erected them before you...Do search, plunge yourself into that knowledge which came from far beyond us, from the bottom of the sea.”

How on earth could this be just an echo, sounding so painful and tender, so clear... and, however, ambiguous?....“The bottom of the sea”....or maybe seawater? Perhaps some kind of wisdom kept by those who were called “ladies of the rivers and lakes”, of whose existence I had been told that night? How? Who could show me the way to get in touch with them ... or with it? Why should I go on having doubts any longer?

–My lady Calpurnia, I am no more than a priestess of the Goddess. It is not me you should turn to. I am not even qualified to put you in touch with it or entitled to unveil the wisdom of our race to anyone... not even you. If I ever dared consulting our higher priestesses, I would certainly be warned that this is beyond our legacy, my lady Calpurnia.

–Blodwynn...Remember my promise.... Would your....Goddess... accept a great offering ... even if I made it myself? Maybe it would be better that you did it in my name, just as our men present them to Bona Dea through women.

–My good Calpurnia... If you like, I will do it myself. But I am sure that the Goddess wouldn’t mind its coming from your own hands, in spite of your being a Roman. Kornel would even tell you that Bona Dea, Juno, Minerva, Vesta herself... are no more than faces which the same Mother, fertile and loving, takes up. However, you can’t force her will .It is up to her to decide how much you are allowed to learn and how. As for Kornel...I think we should wait until he finally arrives back on Kalendae Iunii when the moon is full. Will you be able to....? Meanwhile, you can sharpen your mood and quieten it by devoting some time to watch your thoughts and emotions serenely, trying to discover a path for the Great mother to notice your restlessness and somehow agree to manifest herself in front of you... Let yourself be listened to, Calpurnia.

That enigmatic sea-blue look, nevertheless, succeeded in keeping me calm. Oh, gods, how could I go on trying to keep this serenity until Iunium? Yes, there must be a way...

I decided to invite Cornelia more often, on the grounds of my interest in that story of those spice wines which she felt so proud of and that had meant such a fruitful business for her, not only among all Roman patrician ladies –there was no Senatorial household without an amphora containing one of her wine varieties – but also among Italian equites’ families and noble homes overseas, where you know that she kept a prosperous trade, apparently only run by herself.

–I won´t admit, as you may imagine, that any tricky butler might keep my recipes in his memory and then, should he become a libertus one fine day... you know what it means.

But she would never tell us who was counselling her on it. It was obvious that she wasn’t doing it all alone: all that stuff related to transporting, exporting and charging money.

–You know, Calpurnia. I am telling you all about this as I am sure that you won’t profit on it. Otherwise, what would all Rome...and your Great Husband... think about his discreet wife spreading such bizarre healing recipes based on wine? Anyway, my dear, I know that I need someone reliable so that, should something unexpectedly unfortunate happen, he or she could keep, treasure all this work I have been researching on for years. I trust you will promise not to tell anyone alive. Go and fetch something to write on, dear. .... Well.... You can use any variety, from Campanian kinds –even Falernum- to those from Northern Italy mixed with Greek ones or even from Hispania, as I once showed you. First of all, you must boil wine with incense and myrrh, which will give it their healing and invigorating properties. Even in some cases you may also add some aloe…or some drops of cedar resin. The same as Blodwynn’s people use.... to preserve their enemies’ heads... We can’t deceive ourselves, Calpurnia. It’s not only what your husband has been telling us about Gallic uses throughout his military campaigns. Though his account may be quite accurate...

I remembered the priestess’ reddish-golden hair and blue eyes, so alien to a death messenger.

–Well, let’s go on.... Besides boiling the wine with resins, we must add spices and herbs that may vary according to each case. Inside our body there is a series... of channels...

She had softened her voice as if trying to unveil something arcane, forbidden to non-initiated ears. I even felt uneasy, thinking of the likely consequences this could bring about.

-…. through which different kinds of life force are transmitted. If we must trigger the force going through the least noble part of our body we should use marjoram and sage or chicory and ginger….For that force which nourishes our sex organs and increasing fertility, it is suitable to choose sesame, caraway, poppy, sage and rose. ...If we want to activate the force that runs through our belly and, therefore, those organs which are related to the assimilation of food and also to sight, we need sage, mint and clove….And it’s even convenient to boil some garlic and onion….If we wish to stimulate the energeia (Yes, that’s the Greek name for it.) which nourishes our hearts, we must use camomile and dandelion, geranium, tangerine and lavender... In order to trigger the force that nourishes the area around our necks and, simultaneously, all our internal organs -particularly ears –we should use cedar, resin, ginger, lemon, cinnamon and even some pepper... We must boil wine with eucalyptus berries, basil, poppy and camomile in order to stimulate the force running between the eyebrows, which is the area that rules intuition... Aren’t you tired, Calpurnia?...I’m just finishing…. There are still some other uses which aren’t related to physical health but regard... the anima...

I took back my calamus, trying not to stain my papyrus.

–Finally, to increase the force that runs through the upper area of our heads, this which regulates the activity beyond...

Cornelia was trying to find a suitable word.

–... For what’s mechanical, I mean, that part of ourselves which can refer to all that can transcend what’s tangible, as you know well, we should use parsley...rosemary.... geranium, orange... Ah! It can also be substituted by myrrh, orange, clove and anise...

I was aware that she was being especially punctilious regarding this point so that I could grasp it as deeply as possible in order to practise it on myself. However, I did not have any means at Domus Publica to emulate Cornelia. What’s more, it wouldn’t be wise of me that the High Vestal should learn about it.

–Nevertheless, though I guess Kornel will get to know about it, don’t tell him much about this issue when you see him. By the way, Calpurnia, which place would you think fitful to meet up with him? Cumae or your Pompeian villa? No...We must be careful about the serfs. Remember that you are not the only Roman family at Pompeii. It should be better at my place. Furthermore, your husband is too busy fighting Pompeius’ followers there in Greece as to pay attention to think about the convenience of his wife spending a few days in the villa of an oldest family friend, though this is his own ex mother-in law...

–But I must be here at the beginning of Iunii, for Vesta’s celebrations. I have to preside over the solemn renewal of Vesta’s fire as the Pontifex Maximus’ wife.

–This reminds me of what Blodwynn once told me.... Both in Hibernia and Britannia there is a goddess to whom a permanent fire is consecrated and whose feast is one of the most important days for those peoples. It is exactly four months before Vesta’s commemoration. She also told me that she was a virgin goddess, served by maidens. Yes, I see it’s true. In fact, all gods are the same. There’s no need for Kornel to remind us about it....

She was watching me slowly, as if guessing each thing passing through my thoughts...Kornel.....