CHAPTER XIX

XIX

-Isis…of course, Isis. Or Astarte, that’s the same thing. Fertile dark earth …Kehme… The reincarnated Goddess…The kings who descend from their gods and divinized kings like those we will have one day, Calpurnia. One of them could be your husband, whether he may like it or not. Or someone from his offspring, since it seems there won’t come any heir…from your blood. Once there was another illustrious Roman who didn’t have the chance to leave a proper successor simply because he decided to respect the Republic’s survival and, consequently, he refused to become a Roman king. There will come a time, Calpurnia, when your husband or whoever might succeed him will keep up the appearance of old Rome with all its magistrates, including the consuls, and they will even try to restore the old values which are based on family and sobriety. But the terrible truth of all this is that they will become the real new kings, no matter how soundly they might deny it publicly. They will even marry those who could be said to be incarnated deities and, therefore, mix their bloods. So much better if this could also mean annexing provinces which may be quite tempting for Rome…Are you blinking , my little one…?I can see you truly understand what’s going on. It’s no use shedding these tears which could hinder any assertive behaviour. I mean, to avoid your husband from being interested in anything related to Egypt….and that, at all costs, you may achieve some kind of metamorphose that will allow you to develop some qualities and skills to shadow a likely female rival which is wise and extremely cunning, gifted with some wisdom which lies even beyond what we call hidden lore … and some kind of ruthlessness and amorality which we couldn’t imagine in a Roman matron. I know what I’m talking about, since I met Mitridates myself – He was just an example of what Oriental monarchies are like. The only chance you could have is to try a final solution which wouldn’t be perfect, either. What’s more, it would take some long-term training to which not every woman is suitable. Though you, Calpurnia, are so different, due to your nature and what you have shown me since I met you… I warn you it requires a long time but the results may fulfil your wishes much more than using other methods. Apart from this, regarding that vision of your husband pouring blood all over, do not worry. According to what I have been able to decipher, the only likely danger for him is to stay here in Rome. I insist that he mustn’t be a bit carefree regarding his protection when he comes back. He should have his lictores near all the time and even hire an additional guarding body. Nevertheless, Calpurnia , if you’re really willing to it, from tomorrow you can start your own training by massaging your body with the ointment you have made yourself, working mainly on those points where force is most condensed and concentrating your thinking in natural living forces, which you will invoke meanwhile….

Yes, but, against what Kornel and Cornelia were trying to make me see I knew that, for the first time, I had been on the verge of ….my own end? As I happened to learn later on, such a vivid tangible experience had been the result of an excessively risky projection that I hadn’t been able to control, unlike any previous occasions. My own initiative had even been reduced. The only thing I could do was to hold on to that hope Kornel was offering me without any consideration on the ambiguous outcome it all might bring about. Nevertheless, he seemed sincerely pleased and even puzzled all those well-defined visions I had had.

–You can’t have the same visualizing capacity of sibyls and Gaul priestesses. It’s something that you cannot force but it will get to you unexpectedly, as if in a dream… Anyway, I advise you to constantly watch each of your thoughts even while you’re asleep .Nevertheless, in the name of all the Gods, do not obsess yourself…. It could be the most harmful thing for you….

But how would I control that? Why had he so recklessly warned me that? His contradictory behaviour was beginning to alarm me… Was I beginning to be aware that I had been the only one to take such a foolish risk, whose extent I had not seen until then? Would this be my real fate, my final repudiation from society as I was not suitable to play the role I had been given? Not matching up to either my husband or my own natural family, who would admit I was being loyal to Rome? I then decided to face the consequences from that moment and accept whatever thing that might happen to me as some kind of…penalty? for all of that. Nevertheless, I decided not to say anything to Kornel: he wouldn’t understand me. Though having been raised and grown up as a Roman citizen, he had been living in a world of his own too long. Furthermore, what was coming through my thoughts might not be fitful for him. I was aware he had some kind of personal interest in all this. Just as I had also realized that both Cornelia and he shared common benefits relating the trade of spiced wines for specific uses. No doubt that the old -?- Roman was a sort of intermediary with Gades citizens, though living retired inside Venus Marina’s temple. Something similar to Blodwynn’s role in Gaul and Britannia. Nevertheless, his deep interest in my marital stability made me notice that he was aiming at something further. This cast a shadow over my mood.

–There will come a woman whose blood will be both Julian…. and ours, yours and mine… Like you, Calpurnia, she will be able to avoid, through a dream, that a great man, a wise holy man from a Roman province –though not a citizen- may be sentenced to a shameful death…. That man….perhaps touched by our ancient Dis Pater….will change the face o our world, Calpurnia.…No, he will not be a king…. However, he will be accused of proclaiming himself as such and, thus, defying Rome.

Did he also have prophetical dreams? So many years of being trained there would certainly have made it possible. However, it was the idea itself, beyond Kornel’s overdeveloped capacities, what bewildered me, maybe overwhelmed by what this could mean. Gods, gods…. What would it be like, the last resource to avert this fate that seemed to collapse onto this barren, dry, lonely cloistered life….?