CHAPTER XIV

XIV

Not yet... Blodwynn had stayed by my side all day through... Blodwynn...Flower-woman... Was she that facies inside that jungle of multiple tiny reddish-golden braids, through which those silvery-blue piercing eyes cast their gaze, getting through your bones, triggering that blood stream throughout my breasts? The Gallic-British priestess was watching me in puzzlement but understanding what could be making its way through my thoughts.

–Calpurnia....I think you should go out into that marvellous garden. I did not know that Roman villae might have something like this, such an immense, profound sight! It is incredible, that imposing mountain and the sea below!

Suddenly her blue gaze became dead-like, almost petrified .She lowered her eyelids.

–This morning, while I was watching it from the.... do you call that exedra...?

I nodded.

–....It suddenly ....looked menacing... covered in an ash shroud that spread all over the bay!

Some imperceptible shuddering seemed to invade each of her fibres. This is what I thought to perceive, even though she did not move a single muscle.

–Calpurnia, dear Calpurnia...

Now it was she who was beginning to be aware of my puzzlement. She could read how blocked, how dull and barren I felt at that moment, like so many times before. Anxiously struggling beyond my own apparent weary passivity, striving to violently break that imperceptible petrified crust which made me feel so limited...

–Calpurnia –She held me in a motherly rock-a-by hug. –Just listen to what you might feel at the right time inside you ... Someone may call you ... Then, you must be alert.

Yes, she knew that ... and was also aware that my circumstances were also favourable for me. Like this cloister-like solitude in this Domus Publica, which would be often broken by Marcia, Portia...or my little vestals. Apart from this, what could I do, restricted to being a wife whose sole task is to safeguard my husband’s honour zealously? Nevertheless, there it lay, that blurred idea, waiting for me to carry it out... But how? How much longer should I wait till all of this should be dimly revealed to me?

–The Great Mother... This who is inside each of us... She will make you see... But do not desperately search for her. She has enough sovereignty to let herself be shown whenever she might find it fitful.

I immediately thought of Bona Dea, the Goddess who only consents on being served by women. But this who had been mentioned by Blodwynn seemed to accept everyone’s service, mainly those who were initiated. She could be either a Virgin, or a Mother or a Wise Woman, depending on the face she might wear on each occasion. Bona Dea .... Mater Dea... Virgo Dea.... Mater Sapientiae... Sapiens... Goddess of the Full Moon, fertile and enlightening... Come to me in your brightness, whoever you may be ... Do have mercy on this barren field ...

I woke up, startled, amidst that darkness which was only pierced by those pale beams coming from the peristylium. That dense, blue-grey invading look was still tingeing the quiet air.