XXXVIII
Yes... What could Kornel....Cornelius.....have made of the atmosphere surrounding the
Egyptian queen…That air lingering about her person....her magnetism, thanks either to
her ancestry or to a lifetime’s learning? While reading the last lines of his letter, I
obviously remembered you wild eyes recognizing me when my inner force, flowing
towards that cubiculum under those immense purple gold-embroidered sails, caught
you by surprise while lying merged into that female energy, so beyond any other
common woman’s.
–Do not think queen Cleopatra is a supernatural woman, just as she makes
Alexandrians believe....
My father, aware of that situation that was hanging over all of us, had decided to show
himself more attentive to me. Consequently, his visits had increased.
–In fact, she only follows the tradition of previous Cleopatrae Ptolomeae. Like all that
Roman virtues...Something very frequent in oriental monarchies. Just remember
Mitridates, the king who killed his own mother. It is curious meaningful, the active role
played by women in those lands. Nothing to do with our noble matrons. Though you
know that in Tyrrhenian society not only aristocrats but also all kinds of women did not
hesitate to show themselves banqueting with men, something that Greeks would have
never consented on. In fact, it is due to all that heritage from long-lost Sybaris, whose
influence has been clearly seen in Rome for the last fifty years, no matter what
Philodemus may think on this subject. I wonder if his firm defence of the return of
Roman monarchy will stagger if he happens to consider the risks of a lineage of kings
which , in the long term, may bring us all that corruption and lack of human sensitivity
you can see here ... Anyway, these Epicureans are as idealistic as Zeno’s followers
themselves.
I saw that Lucius Calpurnius was trying to calm me, making me believe that Cleopatra
was no exceptional being. At most, she was just different from most Roman women.
But he was also aware that, within that creature, there was a being she wholly knew
and exploited with breathtaking cleverness. Could this all come from the teachings of
Alexandrian masters, those who had inherited that old knowledge of which Kornel
constantly spoke? Or might it be some kind of drive which is simply human beat within
his blood? No, Kornel had clearly seen this idea had no sense. Reincarnated Isis’
vulnerability was going to manifest itself very soon...
–It seems that she has considerably reduced her receptions....
It was Cornelia who informed Marcia and I about it. Portia, as you can imagine, was
enjoying her brand-new marriage.
–Nobody from her environment has leaked any information, that’s obvious. I think it all
happened after Kornel’s departure. Some of my contacts had the chance to see her,
since she is still considered a valuable mediator between Caesar and her Roman
acquaintances. They told me that all this kind of dazzling majesty about her seemed to
have faded and her efforts to keep...that sort of mesmerizing magic which enabled her
to look so goddess-like had vanished away.
I thought I could read some sort of conspiratorial sparkle in those eyes, so like Kornel’s.
Nevertheless, I knew Cleopatra’s state could probably only be transitory. However,
Kornel’s words still vibrated inside me ... “The task you started…I did not know you
were so capable of developing that power”. For the first time in my life, someone was
confiding me that I might have some kind of budding power which was alien to any kind
of human being.... once again, I saw this well-defined in front of me, the idea that I had
been trained with a given purpose. Would it be perhaps a reward to so many years’
fertile but dignified isolation? Might this hypothetical glory of mine be focused on
annulling the magic of that divine incarnation? That thought made me tremble...could it
be some kind of sacrilege? Perhaps Kornel has been right to say that the
synchronisation of her own pregnancy and the rising level of the Nile was just a mere
coincidence. Nevertheless, all that power beyond what is human could be the outcome
of so many generations of women who had been forced to developed their cunning and
ruthlessness in order to survive, Yes, Kornel had a deep knowledge of all these ways
of life, so it was obvious that he wouldn’t have let himself be mesmerized by all that
brightness transcending the flash of purest gold, emeralds, rubies and sapphires all
over herself...
Which would be the following step to take? No doubt this time I had to act on my own.
... Blodwynnn.... How would the queen of Egypt have faced the presence of that wise
woman? I imagine she must have already informed about the existence of this race of
women, especially gifted with this wisdom lying beyond what can be grasped by
everyday’s eyes. Maybe her knowledge about them came from what you could have
told her during that cruising along the sacred river or at that mansion on the other side
of the Tiber, that house I had never been allowed to visit. Likewise, there would never
be a further step onwards for me. Who knows if my true lot is this, to go on waiting, as
it had always been? It seemed to have become a part of my nature....What for?
What for....?That night I decided to resume my previous habit of anointing my whole
body, including each of its corners and curves, with that ointment which I kept
treasured inside my cubiculum keeping my attention suspended while ritually
massaging it through my skin, inebriating it all with my own ambition merged into the
incense, myrrh and the essences that Kornel once had once told me, melting the
tightened skin on my thighs and waist with my own thoughts and anxieties...Sibyl...light
me up.... enlighten me...What must I do?
Several days later, after having stimulated my mind, skin pores and breath with those
scents I secretly kept, I sent a message to the domus on the other side of the river,
requesting for a meeting. Maybe not even Cleopatra herself had ever expected it, after
such a flaunting display of what she knew I could not compete with. She did not
welcome me inside the domus itself –maybe due to the fact she could feel
embarrassed by having her lover’s legitimate wife invading the privacy that both of you
were sharing together. We met up in those famous gardens. Forests, to be true. Thick
pinewoods were mixed with banana trees, small clusters of palm groves, cypresses,
rosebushes...All of it so carefully watered and nourished that it seemed alien to Rome’s
lifeless heat waves. I almost thought to see Aurelia’s eternal intangible hand in the
choice of plants and trees and the deep care with which all that landscape was being
maintained. I felt somehow aroused by her memory. What would she have made of this
story of yours? Even though she was truly fond of me, she knew she would not be able
to change either the course of the events or your own nature. The following phase of
this encounter was going to be particularly dangerous: I was aware I had to pick out
each word most carefully since my Greek was not fluent at all. In order to compensate
this limitation, I had chosen a tunic with several layers of mauve and indigo gauze,
which I wore on a thick linen shirt because of the chilly weather, though this was a
sunny day. It was very kind and delicate of her to cover me with a glossy fur overcoat,
perhaps quite similar to that she might be wearing under that huge mantle of gold
thread, under which you could see many pectorals of pearl, ruby, emerald, turquoise,
acquamarine, topaz... Quite like her headgear, a sort of wig consisting on bead strings
of tiny gems –I think I could count up to twelve kinds of them!. It totally masked her real
hair and forehead but let me watch that large black henna design framing her eyes,
whose lids had been dyed in gold, like her prominent lips, which heightened the olive
skin of that “youthful small mummy-like body” which did not succeed in luring Kornel.
She must have noticed the odorous waves coming from the graceful flight of my mauve
and deep blue attire, as bright as those amethysts, beryl and turquoise I had chosen for
my arms and neck and my sapphire rings, acquamarine earrings and that amethyst
comb holding my curls, which had been neatly done and perfumed with the same
ointment whose scent impregnated my tunic. No, it was obvious that my face was the
same as that one my serfs and friends could see every day at Domus Publica, away
from that bedazzlement Cleopatra’s make up would raise around her... I watched that
twinkling look which could alternative be greenish, hazel-coloured or even golden,
under her black, fan-like eyelashes, which were thick as a man’s. Her cold eyes had
opened wide, as if trying to grasp something ethereal about myself which neither of us
would have been able to define. Don’t Egyptians have a sort of cat-shaped deity? No,
her gaze was more like that of a wild cat, voracious, selfishly defending her domains.
Rather than selfish, egoistic....Kornel’s words had been really lucid. “A small
meaningless being who knows that she must be crudely merciless so as not to be the
most vulnerable being of her species....” Perhaps, as it had previously happened to
him, had she noticed that i was also aware of her own limitations? My inner self slightly
quivered...No, by no means could I unveil my uneasiness to her, whose skilfully
concealed aggressiveness had got suddenly imprisoned.....That voice with numberless
musical shades had got suspended amidst the slow conversation we had on polite
issues , a mere excuse to justify the return of that...undeserved privilege-like visit she
had once paid me. Perhaps that was the impression she wanted to give me on our first
meeting, the reason why that incarnated Isis should have decided to go to Domus
Publica in order to let herself be seen in all her divine-like glory by that little budding
rival that and thus justify her doing something as merciless as showing off the fruit of
your shared fertility in front of a poor barren womb... Gods... Was this some kind of
unknown mischievous effect that the scent of my ointment might be inflicting on me?
That instrument, as flexible as Blodwynn’s own harp, had started to utter simple
syllables instead of words... Who knows if this could be something similar to what was
told about sibyls, who, under the effects of subterranean emanations, would fall in a
trance which drove them to utter brief sounds that, however, were full of meaning
related to future events. Her breath was beginning to accelerate. She knew it was time
to make us see she felt really tired and, consequently, for us to leave... and express
our wish of a future meeting. While I was walking out of those groves which nowadays
belong to Roman people , my lord, I felt that the yearning to guess what she might
have discovered about me was beginning to inebriate me as much as those mixed
perfumes in my skin...No, I know I’ll never find it out. But.....can’t I boast about having
aroused some kind of restlessness in that being, who, though fragile and limited,
possessed both mind and will which could become unexpectedly... deadly? –Once
again, Kornel’s words echoed within my thoughts –for anyone who didn’t have ...her
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