CHAPTER XXXVI

XXXVI

It was a hot December day. That damp outdated weather, which sometimes catches us

by surprise at this time of the year, was creating quite a smothering atmosphere inside

Cornelia’s litter. She had come to fetch me in order to help her supervise the delivering

of what remained from Cleopatra’s historical visit, something that I initially thought

unnecessary, even anomalous. It drove me to guess what would later be fully revealed.

–Lady Calpurnia... Nothing could please me more than being the messenger of your

generosity to Subura...My native neighbourhood as well as your husband’s.

I then realized what was lying underneath it all. This silence that came later seemed to

have been designed to drive me to the decision I would subsequently make.

–Have you said that you want to come with me? Calpurnia... You know you are the wife

of...the future successor of the Tarquinii... I am sure you will have heard about that

work that your father’s great friend has written about the imminent convenience -Yes,

that’s the right word –of a certain kind of regime... not openly monarchic, but only

equivalent to it, so that it might be able to face the dramatic changes our good old

Rome has experienced in the last century.

–Yes. The Treaty on Good Kings according to Homer. No doubt Cornelia must have

told you about it. He had just published it when we went to Herculaneum.

–It’s no more than a masked way to acclaim your husband as that...ideal king. But

Philodemus is not the only one. Lucretius also hints at it in his book about the nature of

things. Therefore, you can’t turn a blind eye on what’s to happen in a near future....

–Never doubt about it, Kornel, as I am deeply realistic. The possibility of becoming a

Roman queen is always in my mind ... Anyway, I don’t think we should go on speaking

about this. I ‘m sure that, like most Romans, you can imagine what it means. Particularly,

after having witnessed HER flaunting this full fertility that I utterly lack....

For the first time since we first met he could clearly see the cloud in my eyes.

–Kornel...as, I can figure that out, my life may suddenly stop being that of New

Alexander’s privileged wife, it’s urgent for me to start having my feet on the ground ...

even if I remain here as his wife. In the same way as he knows both of these worlds,

patricians and vicini, if I am meant to become their queen, wouldn’t it be fitful that I

could meet all my...subjects?

Despite Kornel’s effort to hide it, in his light blue eyes i read some kind of strange

feeling, a mixture of tenderness and compassion.

–Calpurnia, Calpurnia... how amazing you can become... Are you really aware that you

will have to dress yourself as a slave, leave your sandals at home and wear some

rough stuff you are not used to and may ruin your feet. Besides, we’ll have to walk on

unpaved earth, risking to be pushed by the rabble into a poodle of dirt?

–Kornel, please... I know I am about to face something which will demand... how would

I call this... some sort of toughness. I am sure it is time I must start being put to the test.

And there we were, Kornel and I, dressed in coarse cotton, wearing extremely thick

footwear, suitable for endless walking and treading that unpaved ground of the streets

in Subura. I had been advised to wear thick cotton stockings to protect my feet and

also to conceal my patrician hairstyle with a mantle so as not be recognized by anyone.

Kornel advised us to leave the litter at a considerable distance from Subura and get

there on foot. Apart from the two of us, there were two reliable serfs of Cornelia’s, who

would deliver the food in order to prevent vicini from noticing our pale,

slender...patrician hands. We were climbing up that road leading to that area which my

father would have never allowed me not even to see at a safe distance. However, I

trusted Kornel’s protection. Yes, both Lucius Calpurnius and this man by my side were

right. That Roman pine-scented air which I already considered a part of myself seemed

to vanish as we were walking into that overwhelming mass of incredible buildings I was

watching with tearing heartache, surrounded by that deep sour smell I hadn’t perceived

 

ever before, coming from that crowd which, as it happens in the Forum on ludi days,

hurried around, shoving one another along those dirty earth streets on which

occasional stinking puddles seemed to sparkle in sunlight. I covered myself with the

mantle in order to protect myself from those insects which sprang up endlessly,

keeping my eyes on those terrible...domi? No, they were the insulae of which   you had                       

told me, maybe quite like that where you were born and raised... Fragile brick

structures with four, five... seven floors??!! ... Full of openings through which each

one’s privacy was exposed to everybody. Some kind of embarrassed shivering came

through my body.

–Are you feeling ill, Calpurnia? –Kornel’s alarmed voice whispered, trying to avoid that

anybody could hear my name. I violently shook my head. My eyes went around the

shops which could be discovered through the arcades on the ground floor of the

insulae, offering their merchandising to passers-by. Pottery, dying products, leather

tanners, bakeries whose fresh, healthy roasted smell would alleviate that choking air,

ready-made meals... We finally stopped at an entrance which led to a sort of atrium? in

which there was no compluvium and a lot of waste was heaped... I pressed my mantle

 

on my face.

–Hector!!!

Kornel’s voice sounded loud within that house. He walked ahead alone. A male voice

answered. It belonged to a man who could probably be Greek and whose physical

build and the humble simplicity of his clothes told quite a lot about his scarce

economical means. However, his educated voice and manners unveiled a person who

was far different from that primary, rude jostling crowd outside. I thought he might be

either a grammaticus or a magister.

-Hector, my dear Hector....

For the first time, Kornel showed his wiry hands to hold Hector’s neat ones.

–How many students have you had recently? I have always advised you to move into

Cumae...Or Pompeii, under Venus Felix’s protection. It’s a good omen... I know that

quite well. Its air is healthier, lodging is much cheaper and more decent.... and there

are even better professional perspectives. You know Pompeii has a Greek root which

Rome lacks. We achieved our cultural refinement thanks to the fact of conquering all

those Southern colonies. What else could you get here, instead? Nothing but living on

alms among criminals and indecent scheming people, with the constant danger of

seeing your house burn down or collapse when you least expect it, breathing

filth….One day will come when not even the inhabitants of Palatine Hill can stand living

here....

He slid a small clinking bag into the Greek’s hands.

–Let’s see if you can get by with this for a long time...I beg you, listen to what I’m

warning you about... Get away from Rome if you really want to really live instead of

contenting yourself with this poor survival.

He made a gesture to the servants, who laid some huge baskets onto the dusty floor.

–I want you to do this in the name of Lady Calpurnia, daughter to Lucius Calpurnius

Piso and wife to... the Dictator...

Hector’s expressive black eyes opened up, almost terrified.

–You must distribute all this food with common sense and equity, some qualities that I

know you can wisely combine. My serfs will come to deliver them themselves

 

whenever you find it fitful in order not to raise suspicions about you. Please, leave

Rome at once. If you don’t want to, do come to Cornelia Sulla’s house with my serfs. I

wouldn’t suffer you being exploited by undesiderable fellows...Listen to me, i pray you...

He warmly pressed Hector’s arm. Never before had I thought that Kornel could ever

show such a deep fondness...

–I will always see your grandfather’s image in you... Not only himself but also

everything he gave me, no matter how intangible it could be.

Hector blinked back tears, assenting. How on earth was he able to survive there? My

heart still felt shocked when, once back in the litter, that dear deep pine smell returned

to my nostrils.

–Hector, my little Hector...

Astonished, I saw that blue silvery shine turn into an almost imperceptible tear rolling

 

down his beautifully carved nose.

–....His grandfather was my magister and grammaticus. Thanks to him, I learnt Greek

and came in touch with playwrights...He made me find out that I love knowledge and

research. Despite their poverty, he and his descendants have always felt proud of

being free men...Gods...Calpurnia.... There will come a day... maybe in just one year or

even less...when Rome falls into the hands of freed former slaves who will imitate and

worsen our aristocracy’s lavishing customs and destroy all our heritage through their

ambition, whereas beautiful beings like Hector or his grandfather will be forced to

 

survive on giving lessons in the Forum or working as a slave-like grammatici at any

domus.

He dropped some deep silence that I wasn’t willing to break... Was this...the real

Kornel?

–No, his grandfather was no slave of ours. Neither could we afford it, as you can easily

imagine. When I used to live with my father and sister as a small boy, my economical

situation wasn’t better than young Hector’s. His grandfather was very fond of us and

pitied us for...not being able to afford some basic tuition due to our family’s disgrace.

His death was perhaps the only one I can remember mourning. Well, his.... and

someone else’s.....

The silence sprang back again, remaining until we returned to Cornelia’s domus, where

I changed my clothes. Why did I have that unusual strange sensation as soon as I felt

my delicate linen tunic and gauze palla on my exhausted boiling skin again, as well as

the thin straps of my sandals on my naked feet? Only a few hours had gone by since

that morning....

–I beg you excuse my behaviour, Calpurnia. It was just that brief contact with my native

neighbourhood, something that repels me, but, at the same time, moves me intensely.

The roots of my life were shaped there. In fact, I hate it for this reason. Whether I like it

or not, my heart is unavoidably bond to it. Perhaps it’s just my remorse for having

despised Subura profoundly. I spent most of my time thinking about how to get away

and leave al that behind forever as soon as possible... until I finally got it. I think your

 

husband may sometimes experience that sensation, too. However, when your family

owns a whole insula and you have been a flamen dialis since your adolescence.... it’s

not the same thing.

Cornelia listened to all this conversation while we were having quite an unusually early

dinner since we hadn’t eaten anything since sunrise.

–I can understand you may have been dazzled by the Egyptian queen’s mastery at

using her own voice. I remember telling you, Calpurnia, about that country which

collapsed under the sea and sheltered some kind of arcane wisdom which those who

survived that havoc took to Egypt. Perhaps Cleopatra might have got in contact with

present-day masters who have inherited this lore. One of its secrets is how to master

the life force contained in music and also in human voice, provided this is wisely

played, as skilfully as an instrument which would be simultaneously generated. One of

the main keys of that wisdom is the correspondence between different musical notes

and the diverse colours in which life manifests itself. Haven’t you noticed twilight

shades? She, like the initiated ones, must have been taught the ability to evoke that

relationship. Therefore, no wonder you have discovered those different shades in the

inflections of her voice. However, I don’t think she might be a black magic sorceress

who is attempting to obtain the favours of....the Dictator through sorcery or dealing with

old Egyptian deities. I simply believe that this masterful exploiting of her voice, her

sinister cat-like look and –why not?- her mind...I think the survival of the Alexandrian

Library is more meaningful for her than her own subjects’ lives. Nevertheless, I feel

that....

His grey and light blue eyes became transfigured, absent–like.

–.... some kind of strange fateful force is hanging over herself...and everyone related to

her person.

I couldn’t tell if what happened was because of Kornel’s voice, suddenly as icy and

strayed as his eyes, in the sudden remembrance of that.... experience? Absent from

my body, amidst some kind of day-dreaming... Your look, so similar to Kornel’s at that

moment, so startled after meeting such a familiar life force while you were lying there,

so absorbed by that other female energy...And that one which unmercifully poured out

of me, furious, destructive, addressed to `poison that womb which was sheltering you

at that moment....

–Calpurnia! You look like wax!

Efficient Cornelia did not hesitate to hand me some brewing of hot Falernian wine and

spices.

–Are you....?

I reluctantly smiled, shaking my head.

–It has just come back to my mind, what my husband told me about what Sulla had

once foretold. Maybe when he spared Caesar’s life... “Someone will be born of both of

our seeds who will be crucial for the benefit of millions of Roman citizens....” Do you

remember, Cornelia? Sulla hoped his grand-daughter, your Pompeia, would become

the queen of Rome...

–And who would dare saying it should happen through  Pompeia?

 

Kornel’s look had become the usual one. Intense, piercing, carving the most private

part of my being....

 

–I think, Calpurnia, you should know something that....he may tell you on his return

from Hispania... I’m sure your father must have already learnt about it... Helvia Cinna

has told me about it ....It seems that your husband is thinking about... passing a law

that allows him to... I think these were his exact words: “To marry as many women as

possible until he begets a male son”.

Cornelia had held me in her hands so as to prevent me from fainting. She was

watching me, trying to examine my reaction. Her warm but sad astonished eyes were

looking at my fixed unblinking gaze, my quiet, stone-like, almost lifeless expression... I

felt alarmed by my own serenity. Maybe was it due to the fact that all of my fears were

about to vanish away? Or perhaps was it because all of it might justify any further step I

should subsequently take and lay beyond my own awareness? Kornel’s look seemed

to be waiting for whatever thing could happen inside me in the next seconds....

–Calpurnia ... I am sure you have had news about the house where Cleopatra dwells

now. How it has turned into... what could I say?...some sort of social centre, one of the

most active circles in Rome, where she daily meets all kind of people who might be

suitable for her. Everyone from Palatine Hill has already gone there, many of whom

have even taken a good profit of this occasion to pray her to favourably intercede for

 

them to ...the Dictator. I have also been informed she acts quite like a queen, just the

same as in Alexandria and she must be pulling the strings so that, in the near future,

the....Roman court? may be settled in Alexandria. Calpurnia... Can you imagine what

will all this bring you, the fact of passing that law? Perhaps you may go on keeping the

same lifestyle ... except that you will lose all your chances to have a real spouse. Not

only this husband but any other as well. Have you ever thought what kind of humiliation

could this mean for you?

Cornelia’s voice was altered, even hardened. I could clearly see she was truly upset.

Her dumb begging eyes seemed to try to embrace me....

 

–What should I be supposed to do? Paying wages to murderers from Subura, as

Clodius used to do? Moreover, the queen’s domus is utterly guarded, as you know.

 

 

She was brought up among conspiracy and plotting, like her siblings. She must even

have her meals and drinks tasted by her serfs in order to avoid being poisoned. What’s

more, it is said that her own fertility has increased that of her land. It seems that the

water level of the Nile has grown as the queen’s pregnancy was going onwards...

Didn’t you tell me that yesterday, Cornelia? Plotting against someone who is gifted with

such a non-human force could turn out to be catastrophic.

–Calpurnia... All of this might be just a mere coincidence. On the other hand, murdering

 

hasn’t been mentioned. It would be quite an absurd thing to carry about...

–What must I do then. Kornel?

 

–Nobody has told you to make a decision regarding a well-defined life choice right now.

It is just something you should keep in mind in the future, when you are really urged to

choose. The truth is that your husband has been craving after Egypt since the early

years of his political career, hasn’t he, Cornelia? Remember all that story of that

Ptolemy’s will which eventually didn’t come true...Getting hold of a province whose

fertility is more than likely and not having to depend on Sicily for wheat supply may end

up with his self-insecurity.... Yes, do believe it, Calpurnia. Despite his hope for this

imminent royalty, he does not count on Roman people’s unanimous support. I don’t

know if you have heard about the mutinies that took place in Plasentia and Campania,

one of them involving the Tenth Legion.... His favourite one!!! The obvious reason that

triggered it all was the fact of not being punctually paid the amounts that they had been

initially promised. Notwithstanding this, one thing should be recognized in Caesar’s

favour: he strictly forbade ravishment in every town that had been conquered.

Nevertheless, this only increased discontentment among his soldiers. Just remember

when legionaries broke into Rome, searching for your husband. They even killed some

senators!!

–.... Fortunately, this happened when we were in Herculaneum. This may have been

 

the reason why my father insisted on our leaving Rome. Perhaps he had already

imagined what would happen to us. Anyway, at least they respected Vestals’ House.

Kornel caught his breath. His eyes were fixed on something.

–I cannot say how deeply your husband ...fears his own troops. I’m well informed about

Ptapsos battle, that which was decisive for the survival of Pompeius’ followers in Africa.

It turned into a horrible slaughter that Caesar was unable to control. Part from this, here

in Rome, just after those celebration and feasts we’ve recently had, groups of soldiers

protested against the same old story. The Dictator cut it all up by executing some of his

legionaries. As for civilians...What can I say? About one hundred fifty or eighty

thousand have been deprived of the subsidiary payment that the Republic had allowed

them so as they could survive. Perchance do you share you husband’s views, that they

will willingly migrate to other regions and, thus, to relieve overpopulation in Rome? How

stunningly naïve Caesar turns out to be! That would mean an unaffordable effort to

adapt and also extremely hard work to guarantee their daily living, something that has

become utterly alien to their own nature. Can you imagine all this crowd of parasites

you’ve first seen today settling down in small plots, labouring the earth, facing extreme

heat, cold and merciless rain, aware that their harvests may suddenly be ruined, feeling

hopeless to avoid something that goes beyond their own capacity? Rome is facing

something more dangerous than unsatisfied legions, a terrible mass of beggars

hanging around the corners of the city, ready to kill for just a small fee... I can’t

 

understand why your husband hasn’t taken this into account.... what might have led

him to make such a foolish mistake....

–If , as it was previously promised, he still plans to take charge of a given number of

rents, I’m sure he will have to make a selection in order to carry it all out.

–That’s what may become his downfall, Cornelia. The old opportunistic story of

resorting to apparently popular means...Perhaps he will try to palliate this by increasing

the individual amounts of wheat he once promised as well as paying four hundred

sextertii to each one. Who knows if the key for this is in Egypt....By the way, how has

your father reacted at the destruction of the Library?

–It has been worse for Philodemus .... He’s totally abashed.... no wonder my husband

has lost a supporter. Anyway, there’s still Philippus among the Epicureans.

–.... Stepfather to that worrying young boy, so like his grand-uncle.... Except that he is

so incredibly frail and weak...Nevertheless, his mind is so abnormally developed for his

age, as I have been told. Your husband is bound to trust him too much when he

becomes a grown up, in spite of all...

As in so many other occasions, Kornel was looking far beyond us, at something that

seemed to transcend the world around..

–....Unlike Caesar, I think he is very prone to get infatuated by one woman, who would

be able to take all the necessary profit of that in order to defend her interests... though

 

it meant a high risk for Rome’s future development.. Calpurnia, your husband may be a

big... womanizer?, but never, never , I’m convinced of it, able to let himself be fooled by

any woman –not even by Cleopatra –if it touches his own convenience... or Rome’s.

Despite the fact she’s the one who pulls the strings here and now, he will only marry

her as long as he’s interested in owning Egypt and being worshipped as it befits...his

divine origin.

–I can’t stop wondering... Why all this interest in a law which consents on his

bigamy...or polygamy? It would be so much simpler to divorce me. Perhaps, deep

down inside him, he is not willing to make me lose my social position or break away

from my usual life. Who knows if he eventually does it out of consideration...He knows

that it that law is passed, it will happen as in Eastern countries: though I may not be his

favourite wife, at least I won’t have to bear the stigma of being repudiated. Yes,

somehow he still loves me...

I saw Kornel’s transparent eyes express the same hurt tenderness as Cornelia’s.