CHAPTER XLVIII

                                                                 XLVIII

-Domina .... domina....

My personal serf’s voice, first soft, then louder, woke me up from outside the cubiculum .mild golden sunlight coming from the peristylium fully invaded our room. Perhaps several hours had gone by since dawn. Maybe too many...You were still cuddled on one side of the narrow lectus. I had felt you shaking all through the night, stirred by reasons which might have nothing to do with that peculiar Epicurean dinner of the previous evening: I well knew that your fragile stomach would prevent you from trying sophisticated delicacies. I decided to get up as you made yourself comfortable across the lectus .

–Domina ....Senator Decimus Brutus is waiting in the tablinium....He wishes to see the Pontifex Maximus immediately.

What would he want of us at this time of the day’

–Tell him that my husband can’t go to the Senate at midday.

–My wife... No, wait.... I’ll personally talk to him.

You had just put on your tunic and the light sandals that you used to wear at home.

–Girl, go ahead and let him know I’m on my way..

–My lord...

I felt that my voice that my voice, though soft, was tinged with some kind of sharpened anxiety.

–No,no, do not talk to him... He’ll try to convince you... No...

I made an effort to suffocate that moan which I was about to let out.

–Calpurnia...

You did not smile but just watched me with the same look as the night before. Distant, slightly scared, almost with worship...

–....No, I will explain it to him. It’s me who must eventually make decisions at any moment... Isn’t your husband the Dictator Perpetuus?

You had taken my face in your strong, slender, pale hands, caressing me like you used to, long before going campaigning in the Gaul. Just like then, touching my curls with the same care as someone running his fingers through a small child’s locks. I opened up my eyes and knew that you had found back that Calpurnilla from the early years..... I then realized that this was an occasion I could not waste, so I ran my lips up and down your neck while circling your thigh with my leg and pressing my breasts on your chest until making you fall onto the lectus. It was I who, for the first time in our marital life, had the initiative, riding you while driving your hands to wander around that skin of mine, full of that desire of fertility which would always spring up those days before my menses...Despite my excitement, I was aware of the amazement in my look, about to get lost in that heartbeat which was speeding up through your body while you remained below, panting in quite an usual way, louder and louder, even indecorously....

–Domina....

–Tell Decimus Brutus that my lord will see him in its due time!!!

That panting scream, tinged with impatient fury, calculated to silence your noisy rattling, certainly scared the poor girl, who was not used to that tone at all. I momentarily thought that this was your destiny, as I could read it in you wild eyes, alien to me that morning. You might have died right then, swept away by some animal-like moaning, bursting inside my womb so that your seed could finally find a shelter there. But it would not be like this. You remained there, lying under myself while we were sharing the same heavy sounding breath, looking at each other in silence. I could have kept you trapped that way until the evening...

–Calpurnia ....

That was the deep paused voice which I had so often listened to away from the cubiculum.

–I must wash myself and see him....

Yes, that voice tone had been designed to dissuade and impose things wisely, as you had always been able to do masterfully.... I pushed myself aside and let things go their way, still trembling with scared pleasure under the furs which covered our lectus.