CHAPTER L

L

I stayed like that, cuddled up inside myself until late noon. Sheltered within that piercing lacerating cold, in spite of that heap of furs on top of me, alien to hunger and other needs. I obviously refused Cornelia’s visit. I did not even want to know anything about Marcia. How lonely my existence would be from then on….apart from the fact that, like a piece of furniture, I was bound to be moved out, into that domus, whose lecti must still keep traces of your body juices. Nevertheless, today was Anna Perenna’s feast, on which all the years which span from my birth to the moment that I had to become a loyal matron, the whole family –Lucius Calpurnius, Rutilia …. Oh Gods..Rutilia… my brother and friends would go to the temple for the celebration. It always used to be a day of hope, freshness and serene joy, according to the promise of life renewal that day really meant. That intense mixture of freshly-cut flowers and incense perfume… the same scents that seemed to get through my skin pores and nostrils, blocking my breath and finally letting out that tide of wild tearing which dragged me away, depriving me of that intangible thing within myself that might have defended me from fateful prostration for so long… It had to be Lucius Calpurnius Piso himself who found me like that, reddened-faced and heavy-breathed. ..Why, for the first time in his life, should he have entered my cubiculum with no previous warning, while, in scared puzzlement, I hastily covered my naked body, still dirty with your seed and my own secretions? I grew as pale as his wax-like face, noticing him somehow crooked, leaning on the entrance of the room in dismay… My eyes began questioning him…. I understood that, like me, he was too weak to cry or moan as he would have wanted to.

–My child…

He rushed towards me, sinking his head on the furs. I felt him convulsing slightly. Maybe you had already told him about what had happened between us that morning.

–…Twenty and three….

–….Twenty-three stabs… one by each of those senators, including that Decimus Brutus, who he had even included in his will!

His voice, which had become unrecognizable, made a pause to take a breath and go on.

–….Servilia’s son himself….

Gods…no…my Portia….

–… Brutus’ brother-in-law…Even Cornelius Cinna …His former brother-in-law, the brother of that whose love made him defy Sulla himself!

He could not go on speaking. Like myself a while before, he noisily collapsed on my furs while the serfs crowded at the entrance of the cubiculum, more alarmed by all his shriek invading the peristylium than by what had just been known in Rome. The man  whose seed could have rooted in my womb today was lying in a puddle of blood inside Curia Pompeiana…. I cautiously took my naked arms out of the fur cover and held him, sharing his thundering sobs, letting my tears damp his almost white hair, away from my own being, flowing into abandonment….

–Calpurnia, my little girl, Calpurnia…

Cornelia’s broken dismaying voice was hanging over my sightless eyes. I let myself be sheltered by her motherly embrace whereas another female hand, Marcia’s, took mine in silence with that complicity which would suit to a woman who has also suffered her man’s untimely loss, at the same time as she caressed my sweat-damped hair, keeping her head next to mine and suddenly ageing Cornelia’s.

The sun was about to set when the cart arrived at Domus Publica. It was my father, helped by Cornelia, Marcia and Marcius Philippus, who managed to arrange it all and give orders to your personal physician so that he would wash and tidy…the body. I was not allowed to see it .Neither would I be given any further detailed explanation about how the wounds had been made until days after. It turned out to be quite a wise decision. Otherwise, I would not have survived the fact of watching you like that, all stabbed through, with those torn-out genitals and face…. Nobody apart from our families came to see us that night, which I spent embracing my father, Cornelia and Marcia… To say the truth, why should I wish to see anyone?

–He worries me…Antonius.

Cornelia, absent-looking like a sibyl, broke the silence. Everyone’s amazed eyes gave her a questioning look. Everyone’s….except mine.

–Why wasn’t he inside the Curia?

My father watched her, assenting. A serf came in the middle of the night and whispered something to him. Yes, there really seemed to be some Sibyl-like stuff about her….

–Marcus Antonius has come to give his respects. – Lucius Calpurnius announced.

And there he was. Massive, conveniently sorrowful-looking, wearing a toga under which a bulging cuirass could be seen. I cannot remember the words he told me. I was not even able to pay enough attention….

–My child… Marcus wants to access to your husband’s documents and money…

He spoke slowly, looking straight into my eyes… Yes, my father was aware that my faculties were fatefully diminished that day…But…. Why didn’t he do anything? Why on earth could he consent that scoundrel to take it all? I think that I was sure that there must have been a misunderstanding about what had happened that morning and that the day after you would return home to clear things up….

Not only did Antonius take that chest in which you kept your small treasure, so to call it, with your letters and bundles but also your will, which my father had to fetch from the Vestals’ house I think that my friends and I shared the same shivering while seeing him take charge

 of everything that you had controlled by yourself only a few hours before with my own father’s condescension. However, I would not be aware of all of this until a few days after. I still had the whole night in front of me. The next dawning, under the influence of those brewings which Cornelia was a master at, I would make an effort to recover all that life that, like yours, had been taken away from me in the morning of Anna Perenna ‘s Day in the year 709 a.u.c.

CHAPTER XLIX

                                                                     XLIX.

–Calpurnia...

Never before had my name been pronounced with such a harshness that woke me from that sleep in which I had sunk, dirty and exhausted... I sat up in distress, impulsively covering my naked body. Those eyes that were me were not a husband’s anymore. I watched you while I felt my tongue dry up.

–Calpurnia.. I’m off for the Senate... Afterwards, I’m staying with my troops until we set off for Parthia...

Your cold hard voice was blocking my breath.

–....No, don’t worry about your position or economical situation. If you are discreet, you can stay here until you can manage to settle down in my domus on the other side of the river...

You finally got aware of my puzzlement.

–Calpurnia ....Calpurnia... how on earth...Oh, damned Lucius Calpurnius! I always knew that I should only have a business rapport with him....

I felt my eyes wilder and wilder, on the verge of suffocation. Gods... what? Your sharpened eyes, grey like daggers, kept controlling me.

–In any case, I don’t even blame you...He...Always he... His intelligence exceeds human cunning, so it enables him to defeat all of us. Why didn’t I feel it then, when, being a quaestor in Gades, I knew he was still alive and had not missed any information about me through the years? Yes...there’s no doubt. In the same way as he once intended that I should owe him my own glory thanks to that clemency he showed when he once spared my life... Gods, clemency!

Some sort of sardonic laughter invaded the cubiculum. Ecastor, the serfs! No, you did not care anymore...

– What an irony, that he should dare boasting on such a virtue which, by the way, he did not use up when he signed so many bloody proscriptions! Yes, now, once again he seems to be determined to save my life and, simultaneously, gain absolute ascendancy over the Pontifex Maximus’ discreet, virtuous, most honest wife, my greatest pride as a man…. This would be his greatest legacy, according to himself. To deprive Rome of the evolution that it must experience form now on…. No, certainly, since he was not a Dictator Perpetuus, I should not have the right to it, either…Nor to be proclaimed rex…

 

 

Suddenly, silence sprang up. You had eventually realized that your unusual voice might be being listened to by those who ought not to. I saw you deeply inhale more than once while I remained awaiting, unable to proffer any words. My breathing seemed to

become steady again.

– Calpurnia… I was trying to convince Decimus Brutus of that foolish thing you had forced me to promise. Maybe inspired by some wicked skills you may have been taught…. Obviously, my kinsman considered them what they really are, brainless tricks, proper of such a weak mind as yours. But I was still blurred by that bewilderment and exhaustion you had deliberately aroused on me. I could never have imagined that you would even turn to forcing me to take pleasure on you in order to find your purposes…. Perchance… have you been instructed on this, too?

My suffocation came back. I did not even have the strength to shed tears or sob.

–…. I was beginning to wake up from that lethargy in which you had induced when, suddenly, a serf came in to tell me that a noble Roman wished an urgent private meeting. The slave’s strange, almost scared look prompted me to leave Decimus Brutus and welcome the newly-comer in the room on the other side of the atrium. That man was apparently slightly older than I, dressed like an aruspex, with that look, blue and transparent, ravishing away all that I might be thinking about, scrutinizing each corner of my inner self… I recognized those eyes, as well as his strangely expressive, slender translucent hands…. “Caesar, listen to everything you wife may warn you”…Why should I have remained there, almost gelid, with no capacity to respond for a few minutes? Perhaps because I thought he had died, even though I had had the feeling that he might still be alive when I decided to spare the temple of Venus Marina in Gades from any fine after the battle of Munda. Besides, I would have never dared going to meet him…but I could never think he might be in Rome. He told me what he thought I ought to know, including that story of your shared ancestry and that both of you come from the race of the sibyls, those who were born from lineages dating back to the time of Etruscan kings, when there were frequent couplings of simple human beings and the so-called nymphs. Gods, Calpurnia! I hope all that mad nonsense has not spread around Domus Publica…..

I saw you quiver ostensibly.

–

He was making such a clear, cool-headed account that he even convinced me. Lucius Cornelius’ own mother, who was thought to have been dead since his childhood, had really got away from her husband’s cruelty with Lucius’ twin brother… who accidentally met his sibling back when this was working as a spy for Marius beyond Cisalpine Gaul and trying to make believe he was Gallic…. Lucius Cornelius did not clear up what had really happened .The fact is that he was somehow blackmailed, according to his words. That is, his brother would replace him, adopting his identity, which, in fact was that which would correspond to him as a noble patrician of such an ancient though impoverished lineage, as soon as Lucius Cornelius would set off for the

Eastern provinces at the time of Cinna’s consulship. That Lucius Cornelius Sulla who returned to Rome and Pompeius met, worn-out, bruised-skinned, deprived of that Apollonian brightness of his, was his Gallic brother whereas the Lucius who I met as a small child was already devoted to depurate his body and mind and instructing himself on the arcane wisdom, as he calls it, on the other side of our sea.

Though I felt unable to utter any sound, you noticed my avid look and, then, went on.

–What could he get in return? Supposing he was blackmailed, death-threatened or maybe….menaced about something which could destroy that dignitas he was so obsessed to restore, it’s obvious he must have accepted certain conditions. What’s more, being aware that someone else is forging a place in history for you while you keep yourself hidden and safe, training and taking care of your body and mind so that the passing of years seems not to leave any traces on them, could be tempting for such a unique person as he is, Unlike so many other human beings.…. How did Lucius Cornelius manage to make his substitute well-prepared enough to face all that task? To start with, he discovered that his mother had made sure that his brother could grant himself a suitable education for a Roman. It seems that an eques from Cisalpine Gaul took them to live with him. However, the twins’ reunion might not have been fortuitous. I think that not even Lucius Cornelius himself is sure about it. The real thing is that he made his brother pretend to be a slave so as to have him by his side and, thus, make him learn about with political skills. … Which of them was the real maker of Sulla’s proscriptions, I wonder?

You shrugged, absent-looking.

–They both kept in touch in the distance… How much did Cornelia know about it while his father was still alive? The truth is that for many years there was a rapport between the wise man from the temple of Venus Marina in Gades and Lucius Cornelius Sulla’s daughter, intensified by cunning Cornelia’s fruitful commercial exchanges, long before you remained alone in Domus Publica…. He also told me that he wouldn’t have come here to see me if he hadn’t learnt that Decimus Brutus was making his way here so as to convince me to go to the Senate today… Gods…Calpurnia… How on earth have you let yourself be bewitched by this being who is beyond time and what’s purely human…What could you have got in return?

Your voice had become chocked, but it was still cold, aloof, belonging to that stranger who you had started to be for good. No, I could not mention all that story about my need to have a place of my own and my refusal to let myself be buried under the solitude of Domus Publica. Miraculously, I felt my voice alive again.

–Caesar… I had to save you… Just remember I explained it to you yesterday….The Egyptian….

–So do you think I can trust someone who has let herself be infatuated by that… character…? At least Cleopatra is much too intelligent not to be deceived… and has dignity…

I saw that the coldness in your eyes was growing into the previous night’s fear. Yes, they had discovered that violent, mischievous heavy force which, beyond my painful desire, was driving me to generate some kind of life flowing beyond myself, addressed to possess the Egyptian’s being, poisoning her fate… Almost sobbing, I yearned that she could be despoiled of that child who was her main pride and that her womb went barren…that her power could vanish and she should be forced to search for a shelter in her madness and emptiness. Yes, Cleopatra knew that, even against my own will, she was already damned one way or another….You were aware of it, my husband.

I saw you hurry out, perhaps relieved as this unexpected circumstance had allowed you to solve this situation, which had meant quite a serious moral controversy for you for so many years, even since long before going to Alexandria… I stayed there, sitting on my lectus, petrified among those furs, unsuccessfully trying to melt that ice which was making my body crackle inside my bones and head. Unable to utter a single sound, to lie down…. Maybe it was that alien force, which was poisoning me instead of heading for reborn Isis….

 

 

CHAPTER XLVIII

                                                                 XLVIII

-Domina .... domina....

My personal serf’s voice, first soft, then louder, woke me up from outside the cubiculum .mild golden sunlight coming from the peristylium fully invaded our room. Perhaps several hours had gone by since dawn. Maybe too many...You were still cuddled on one side of the narrow lectus. I had felt you shaking all through the night, stirred by reasons which might have nothing to do with that peculiar Epicurean dinner of the previous evening: I well knew that your fragile stomach would prevent you from trying sophisticated delicacies. I decided to get up as you made yourself comfortable across the lectus .

–Domina ....Senator Decimus Brutus is waiting in the tablinium....He wishes to see the Pontifex Maximus immediately.

What would he want of us at this time of the day’

–Tell him that my husband can’t go to the Senate at midday.

–My wife... No, wait.... I’ll personally talk to him.

You had just put on your tunic and the light sandals that you used to wear at home.

–Girl, go ahead and let him know I’m on my way..

–My lord...

I felt that my voice that my voice, though soft, was tinged with some kind of sharpened anxiety.

–No,no, do not talk to him... He’ll try to convince you... No...

I made an effort to suffocate that moan which I was about to let out.

–Calpurnia...

You did not smile but just watched me with the same look as the night before. Distant, slightly scared, almost with worship...

–....No, I will explain it to him. It’s me who must eventually make decisions at any moment... Isn’t your husband the Dictator Perpetuus?

You had taken my face in your strong, slender, pale hands, caressing me like you used to, long before going campaigning in the Gaul. Just like then, touching my curls with the same care as someone running his fingers through a small child’s locks. I opened up my eyes and knew that you had found back that Calpurnilla from the early years..... I then realized that this was an occasion I could not waste, so I ran my lips up and down your neck while circling your thigh with my leg and pressing my breasts on your chest until making you fall onto the lectus. It was I who, for the first time in our marital life, had the initiative, riding you while driving your hands to wander around that skin of mine, full of that desire of fertility which would always spring up those days before my menses...Despite my excitement, I was aware of the amazement in my look, about to get lost in that heartbeat which was speeding up through your body while you remained below, panting in quite an usual way, louder and louder, even indecorously....

–Domina....

–Tell Decimus Brutus that my lord will see him in its due time!!!

That panting scream, tinged with impatient fury, calculated to silence your noisy rattling, certainly scared the poor girl, who was not used to that tone at all. I momentarily thought that this was your destiny, as I could read it in you wild eyes, alien to me that morning. You might have died right then, swept away by some animal-like moaning, bursting inside my womb so that your seed could finally find a shelter there. But it would not be like this. You remained there, lying under myself while we were sharing the same heavy sounding breath, looking at each other in silence. I could have kept you trapped that way until the evening...

–Calpurnia ....

That was the deep paused voice which I had so often listened to away from the cubiculum.

–I must wash myself and see him....

Yes, that voice tone had been designed to dissuade and impose things wisely, as you had always been able to do masterfully.... I pushed myself aside and let things go their way, still trembling with scared pleasure under the furs which covered our lectus.

CHAPTER XLVII

                                                                         XLVII

Yes, I knew that I had to warn you… But, despite all that I was telling to myself, encouraged by Kornel’s words, I could not find the courage to do it, my lord. You did get yourself a wife who was utterly like the mould that you had been searching for after Pompeia Sulla’s failure. A decent matron who would masterfully keep up the appearances…as far as this could suit your plans. Was the Egyptian a model of virtue and discretion, anyway? In spite of it all, something was beginning to relieve that bitterness which had already started to blur my thoughts. I instinctively knew that this absolute though intangible sovereignty over you and everybody else around would not last forever and that her magic, so wisely begotten through a lifetime and helped by blood heritage, had been somehow invaded by an alien force that she could not have ever imagined, coming from someone unknown, whose origin was beyond human limits… No doubt this was what she noticed that afternoon when I went to visit her. Perhaps this was the reason why she might have urged you to exclusively devote your attention to her during those months after your homecoming and, simultaneously, drive you to speed up your imminent proclamation as a Rex and, thus, after your expedition against the Parthians, stay in Egypt instead of returning to Rome and then materialize what you had been thinking about for so long.

That blinding vision amidst myrrh, incense, golden threads and flashing gems masking that little body, so like a youthful mummy….Yes, it was no more than ephemeral architecture, like those bright multicoloured arches decorating the Circus and its surroundings during important ludi. Relieved, I breathed the myrrh, incense and flower essences with which I had made up my ointment, feeling them through my nostrils and skin pores, within my breasts and belly… brand new, alive, full of fruitfulness… enlightening me.

–My child… He may drop in at Domus Publica the day before the Ides. I imagine that Cornelia and Marcia have told you that there will be an extraordinary session of the Senate in the curia of Pompeius’ theatre and he finds it more convenient for him to make himself ready for it here. It is… obvious, isn’t it?

Lucius Calpurnius Piso could not be more explicit. His sad look was giving him away. He must have learnt about your intention of having that law bill passed so that you could legally wed….

–It is nearer, too…. I don’t know if Marcia has told you that Marcius Philippus has invited him for dinner this evening .It’s an exclusive male meeting. That’s the reason why you haven’t been asked to join them.

I was aware that my father felt adamant to speak freely and was trying to find an excuse to leave. Therefore, I made no effort to keep the conversation alive: I knew that it was too embarrassing for him to be forced to play an intermediary role between you and me, being in charge of transmitting you my yearning to see you back and, then, take part in a game that was being censored by most Romans.

Martial festivities passed by. Anna Perenna’s day would be crudely cold that year. Hard Roman winter invaded the eve of the Ides with its damp icy wind. Cornelia decided to stay with me longer as usual, as if aware that I really needed it. Through our intentionally casual conversation, she kept uneasily staring at me, even worried by those waves of green resin-like odours pervading my body. However, this made me feel strangely secure, almost relaxed, as if protected by some kind of solid though subtle intangible fortress.

–No, there’s no Kornel’s message today. He is utterly absorbed by a meeting with some of his contacts. One of them is this Greek teacher, Hector. There are also the aruspex who is said to come from old Etrurian aristocracy and some other Greek grammaticus - I think he’s called Artemidorus. In any case, I know he needs to get in touch with you soon, earlier than you can imagine…

Fortunately, she stayed for a long while after dinner. Something that I really thanked as it helped me get through the hours before your arrival. As you may remember, she was still at home when you eventually turned up. I saw you had noticed the look in our eyes as soon as you walked through the entrance of the triclinium. Both Cornelia and I were beholding someone who seemed to have been invaded by some kind of spectral force. That slight tanning provided by military campaigns had faded off your parchment-like skin after so many months of peace. For the first time after years, your complexion was fully ivory. Those deep worn-out tracks remained on the thinning skin, which clung on the angular cheekbones and prominent, slender emerging nose, alarmingly sharpened, fading inside that unperceivable mist which sprang out of your eyes, now greyer than blue, trance-like, cast far beyond the subtle net of wrinkles which had been sheltering them almost since your younger years….

–Strange days, Calpurnia. …

You had not called me “wife”, as you had used to those scarce nights like this, after that hour of restrained panting, sweat and other kinds of bodily juices… After Cornelia’s discreet departure, you had remained silent, absorbed, as if concentrated on the deep smells of my body, on that tunic of mauve and light blue gauze which highlighted my curves and the darkness of my hair. I fugaciously thought that all this had turned out to be quite effective while I felt almost bitten by your hungry mouth, subdued under your weight and iron-like hands....

–Why strange, my husband?

–It all began yesterday, on my way to the Forum. One of the arúspices suddenly came

 

along. He was this Etruscan whose noble ancestry is said to date back to the Tarquinii, according to so many stories that are told about them… He kept warning me about the Ides of March all the time, over and over again. Why on earth should I be advised or told about what to do or when? The same thing happened this morning! Then, at Marcius Philippus’, where, as you can imagine, the dinner was predictably exotic, among marinated hummingbirds in orange and pomegranate sauce and date-stuffed sea urchins, those folks had the great idea of picking out quite a nice subject to chat about. Which kind of death would each of us choose!!! What did I answer to it? Of course, I’d rather have some kind of quick…unexpected way to pass away.

I was fully aware that you were contradicting yourself unconsciously .Which other meaning could it have, that maddening anguish which made you find enemies everywhere? I felt you sensing death hanging over, though that night your loquacity was struggling to scare away the image of the ghostly Caesar who had visited me not long before.

You made a long pause.

– Perhaps you know that I have thought of going on campaign once again. This time it will be against the Parthians. Maybe the day after tomorrow or at most in three days’ time…. I can’t wait any longer, Calpurnia…. I need action, like before. . As you well know, I’m not the type of man who can reduce his life to the Senate and Palatine Hill. I think that’s the reason why I have suffered this sort of neurasthenia all these months. Perhaps your father has told you that I have called the Senators for an extraordinary meeting tomorrow in order to inform them about my imminent setting off for Parthia… and also that I’m determined to get some special power at all costs and by any means. No matter how unpopular they might be. You must understand it, Calpurnia, This is a desperate solution…

The look in your eyes had grown intense, almost begging. I clearly saw what you were letting me know me beyond your own words. I suddenly felt void, violently despoiled of my own femaleness and pride. It seemed that the fugacious strength which that cloud of scents had conferred me could have vanished after our physical deliverance.

–Caesar, my husband….No…. Do stay by my side tomorrow….

Your eyes got blurry, puzzled....

–What do you mean, Calpurnia…? I have just told you this is a turning point .Not only in my career but, most of all, in my own life. Can’t you see it…?

The tone of your voice, though still tender, trying to convince me, was becoming icier. I shrank back in embarrassment. I realized that any remaining fondness which you might have felt for me was inexorably fading away. “Harden your heart, Calpurnia…What you may have considered a virtue so far has no sense anymore”.

I took a deep breath. You

respected the silence that I kept while my heartbeat was speeding and sweat began pouring between my breasts, groins and thighs, growing icy, stabbing me…. Just like your eyes, now on the verge of panic while watching my wild look.

–Caesar…. No…No… I’ve seen it…I dreamt of it… I saw you in my arms, bleeding all over while many Romans were surrounding us… washing their hands …in your blood.

I listened to my voice. It was mechanical, alien to myself …Sibyl-like? Perchance weren’t you, Sibyl, who, mother-like, had come to help me?

–Gods, Calpurnia, gods…..Is that possible, that I may hear this of such a model matron… At least this is what I have always thought of you so far. I can’t believe a lady of such a social height could have lowered herself to the point of becoming one of so many vulgar superstitious women from the rabble. Like so many others who, as I have heard while dining, waste their time on watching eclipses that don’t exist, lions wandering around Capitoline Hill, slaves whose hands have been transformed into burning torches running along Campus Martis and the Forum in the middle of the night. No wonder they may have been lies which some nostalgic Republicans have spread around in order to increase hatred against my person. Remember, my wife, this might damage you… and also your own father.

Your tone was growing softly menacing. No, I could not draw backwards now…. “Forget about prudence, Calpurnia.”

–Caesar….

My voice, alien again, rose up with amazement at the same time as I felt myself straightened, even stretched by some sort of intangible force.

–You know, I’m well informed about your life… on the other riverbank. Just like everyone else in Rome.

I realized that my eyes were opening up, wild no more but piercing like lightning, sinking into yours, where I discovered a scared shadow. I saw you impulsively draw backwards.

-Caesar, we all know about what you are planning with no need of any conspiracy. Your relative Philippus, my own father and, of course, your uncle Cotta and Antonius…. We are aware that physical and mental health has weakened since your stay in Alexandria. No, do not blame it on campaigning, lack of physical activity or age…Do not fool yourself…Are you so blind as to try to ignore how easily Egyptian palace officers can eliminate those who do not suit their interests with poison? How could you expect any devoted loyalty from a woman who has inherited that family tradition of ruthless ambitious females who are even willing to commit incest so naturally? Caesar...you don’t seem to realize what must happen if you marry her. As soon as she becomes your widow, she will be the queen not only of Egypt but of the whole Roman world as well. Are you really so desirous that hundreds of years’ work, carried about by so many generations of virtuous noble Romans, are doomed to be destroyed by the violent imposition of pitiless Alexandrian palace officers who will be the real rulers and bring about Old Egyptian priestly aristocracy and degeneration, which will swallow all that your ancestors and yourself have built?

I am sure that you fugaciously beheld Hekate’s incarnation in me...or even the Sibyl.

–Caesar... Will you allow so many Roman families’ dignitas to be trodden on...?

You look was firm again.

–Well... I had not thought of doing it yet. Neither should I announce it publicly. But you’ve forced me to do it, Calpurnia. I must let you know ... I beg you not to spread it around for obvious reasons... It is in my will. I have chosen Atia’s son as my heir...Just in case I should pass away with no sons of my own. Therefore, Roma could be kept safe from those wicked claws you see about Cleopatra and all her kin.

However, you were aware that my look and voice were still intensely fierce.

–....Are you so sure that she will not try to convince you so that you change your will? She may also be determined to have your grand-nephew killed. Remember, the boy is frail and his health is poor. All that intelligence of his that everyone talks about.... will it be useful to save him? Do not forget it, Caesar....

I felt unable to call you my husband.

–....All this is utterly predictable about such a degenerated person that is able to have marital intercourse with her brother and has been taught to assassinate since childhood....

My voice had reached some kind of ominous sounding cadence. I could read it in your eyes... No, you did not recognize me.... I was aware that I had succeeded in hardening my voice unconsciously so that I was able to use it in such a way that it had reached a point beyond human limits. Like Cleopatra herself, reborn Isis. I then understood that, right then, at that very moment, I had gained the same degree of ascendancy over you that she had once attained... Yes, there was no doubt about it.

I began to secretly enjoy my success. I could see it crystal-clear in your face, which showed me that you had eventually surrendered... Then you bowed your head and buried it on my breasts so as to remain there, cuddled up, during the rest of the night while I rocked you protectively, sleepless by that unexpected emotion..

 

 

CHAPTER XLVI

                                                                                    XLVI

“ My lady Calpurnia:

It is not only is your Lord who worries me because of this blinding ambition of his, which is about to threaten Rome’s own personality... but also this vicinus from Esquiline Hill who is not even trusted by your husband, who has felt forced to appoint Lepidus as his lieutenant, instead. Why this interest in crowning him in the middle of Lupercii’s race? Is Antonius playing along with the Senate? It is easy to imagine that the Dictator Perpetuus, as you know, has designed the same kind of strategy as at Ludi Latini, bringing a huge number of supporters who had been previously paid –as you may imagine –by his loyal schemers: Opius, Balbus and someone else, so as to be publicly acclaimed as Rex. Of course, Decimus Brutus’ intervention thwarted his intention. Why did... that impudent lascivious fellow have to go on insisting that Caesar should accept the crown? My uneasiness about Antonius is quite different from my former repulsion for him, mainly now that your husband is going to be a Dictator...until his death. If he has not succeeded in being proclaimed king through people’s acclamation, no doubt he will try to attain this by any means, even in quite an unexpected way. It is not simply a matter of intuition. Anyone who knows your husband may imagine that, Calpurnia. I do not fear the risks of an imminent monarchy as much as those which might affect Caesar’s integrity... and also ours as Roman citizens.

If only I could enlighten you as much as I wish and we need!

Cornelius”

“My lady Calpurnia:

I can understand that Cornelia, always so sensitive about you present situation, has not told you anything about it....

I apologise for such a disturbing beginning of a letter, but, from the moment I learnt about it, I have grown aware that I cannot keep you ignoring what is being plotted in the shadows here in Rome. Near Marcus Brutus’ domus there have sprung up graffiti, urging him to take deeds against tyranny by making allusions to his forefather. You know, that who led the conspiracy against the last Tarquinius. No wonder that, as I was explaining to Cornelia, Portia has not let herself be seen in your house anymore. She is a noble soul who does not want to engage you in whatever thing that might happen in the near future...Yes, Calpurnia. It seems that, as at Britons’ Samhain, during the celebration of Roman Parentalia, the Manes crossed the border between both worlds. Such is Marcus Portius Cato’s case... except that he is meant to stay here much longer Than only a few days in February. Yes, I grow more and more aware that, beyond death, he is determined to carry out that mission which had been the core of his life since quite a young age.

On the other hand, it seems that your husband, from his god-like way of seeing things, deals  with what is beyond human nature as if this were his equal, unaware that life itself may  suddenly remind him that he is just a simple mortal, perhaps in some brutally unexpected  way… A human being that is bound to perish and, therefore, is not allowed to manipulate  what Rome has always considered sacred and cannot be submitted to human plotting. Can  you remember any Roman, even any of his preceding Dictators, who dared using... the  Sibylline Books!!! In order to justify what was convenient for their interests? Why on earth  should our quindecemviri have accepted that? Yes, that is clear: Cotta, Aurelia’s brother and  your husband’s uncle is one of them. Aurelia... What would she have thought about  this....After all, she was from gens Rutilia, like your mother, who, nevertheless, might have  owed her nature to your grandmother, something running in a female line. This explains the fact that mother lineage has a great importance among Gallic people and Britons, so that their women can enjoy a situation which would be unthinkable about any Roman matron. If this is so, Calpurnia, you husband is attempting against arcane wisdom by ignoring it, maybe unconsciously. Nevertheless, he is doomed to pay the price for it. We must do something to stop him, my lady...

(Here it seemed that the ink had been changed... or looked fresher, as if several days had gone by between the paragraph that I had just read and what it followed)

I was not wrong, Calpurnia. Your husband wants to justify himself through an old Sibiline prophecy, according to which Parthians could only be defeated by a rex, in order to convince the Senate that he should be proclaimed king before starting the military campaign against Parthians, something which seems to be imminent. Who knows if he is simultaneously planning that famous law bill in favour of polygamy -?- which he would justify through the need of a male heir... I have been informed through my contacts at Subura –Hector, who you already know, and a colleague of his, an aruspex from Etruscan ascendancy called Spurina. They had told me that there is some solid opposition to your husband’s projects. You must have learnt about that unforgettable theatrical performance which upset the Dictator, as he was publicly accused of oppression. But he might have also considered it a sort of conspiracy against his person, instead of the reaction of those Romans who were right to be angry....

Rumour has it that it could happen on the Ides of March, since it is Anna Perenna’s festivity and the celebrations on that day – such a gladiator fighting – may deviate the

rabble’s attention from it. A nefastus day on which trade and legal affairs must remain suspended. No, this is a minor issue for your husband. After having violated a sacred text, what could you expect? Though he may not pay attention to what is sacer, we could be able to make him feel uneasy. Spurinna –who is Brutus’ tutor – might take advantage of his position as an augur to warn him about that. As for the birds to be used in his foretelling rite, we must make sure that he will not have any difficulty to claim that he cannot find their livers or hearts, aware of what a bad omen this would mean for any Roman. Nevertheless, I fear this will not be effective at all. I have remembered that on the day of the battle of Munda, the aruspex could not find the entrails of the victim. However….If this could be made in front of Curia Pompeiana, where it can be watched by many Romans -what a pity that the Forum is so far away!-, it would possible stop him from going on. Otherwise, people would certainly see that he was violating such an untouchable thing by publicly ignoring a sacred Etruscan tradition. Spurinna will previously try to bump into him whenever he goes to survey the works at Forum Iulium so as to remind him how imprudent it is to choose a nefas day for such a seriously important affair. Remember that our history is full of natural prodigies portending mischievous things. Therefore, Spurinna and Hector will try to make a huge number of individuals – such as those who struggle to survive at Subura – believe that they have witnessed…for instance, eclipses, exotic wild animals hanging around the streets or in certain meaningful places. They could even try telling them that they saw slaves who had been transformed into human torches. Anyway, whatever wonder that may be worthwhile being spoken of… maybe on the Ides’ eve or before. Well, let’s think about that.

I have not stopped thinking about that…vision? that you once told me and which could be so useful to us. Of course, you should be in contact with your husband in order to make any attempt to convince him about it, mainly because that eerie experience of yours might have not been any simple hazardous coincidence, Calpurnia…. Please do forget about your modesty and, if necessary, send a message wherever he might be, even if this place is….the Egyptian’s. These days prudence is not a virtue anymore, not even for such a virtuous Roman lady like New Alexander’s true wife.

Harden your heart if this is required, Calpurnia. Do write me whenever you find it necessary

Cornelius”