Chapter IV

IV

Calpurnia… Calpurnia.. I can feel your voice, heavy with pain, too lonely after so many months… even years. Which would your job be except helping Lucius Calpurnius Piso as the instrument for a great allegiance with the future… Roman king? You did not grudge me any pleasure, my little girl, all those scarce nights we shared together. What would my sweet Cornelia Cinna have made about it? What would she have thought, watching her own brother hammering  that dagger into the man she so tenderly loved? My sweet beautiful Calpurnia, loyal, little Calpurnilla . What’s the use of comparing you to…? Why should I mention that name? Could it be that….? No, it certainly was… some kind of possessive  heatwave, desperately alive, getting hold of every skinpore, each part of my yearning virility. Servilia…. She, however, was never able to transform herself into relaxing tenderness, so cosy as yours. I’ve hungered for it, day after day, in my tent, even on the eve of a battle, beyond all those shrieks and the outburst of blood and torn flesh…. My sweet beautiful Calpurnia…..

My lord, why are you still hovering over me…. Or maybe is it just your eager shadow?