Chapter III

III

It was Cornelia who brought the subject up that day. That issue which should never be spoken of among us. Those stories in which our ancestors used to believe and were forbidden to patricians as they were considered too primitive. Those strong forces that had their command over fountains, ponds, roads, the air, trees, flowers… Animated, lively… There sprung that subject which related to those lands on the other side of  our  world, where you had been campaigning for a long time, overseas, . Over there those powers were widely  worshipped , not being reduced to a vulgus, still anchored to archaic Italic beliefs. These peoples overseas still kept their faith, proudly loyal to their identity.

- They say that rivers and fountains are not governed by Carmenta or the Nymphs but by ethereal living beings that can even adopt certain shapes, mainly female figures. It is thought that there appear translucid maidens who can become huge, blinding, with either golden or red-golden hair – I smiled : Cornelia’s rebellious hair was also reddish and fair – and rare, widest, green eyes… an unreal shade of green … that of emeralds. Able to ravish any man’s senses –no matter how reticent he might tend to be- and drag him to the bosom of the waters; mainly if these are enemies to the natives . a magnificent weapon, against Caesar’s legions-she might have noticed my restless look- No, my dear. You may not have had enough time to get to know your husband. He is not that kind of mettle, believe me. Neither was my father, no matter what you have been told about him. The spirits who dwell in the forests are like our goddesses Pomona, flora, Adolenda and Comolenda. They are called white and green ladies. Tall, transparent visions. Our Epona is the White Mare. Hekate and Laverna’s realm is that of the Crow Goddess, the Sorceress, the Guardian of Wisdom…. Yes, there is such a perfect coincidence. All in all, it is based on the worshipping of a goddess like Old Tello, a fruitful Mother Goddess. … and who helps mothers like Iuno Sospita or Bona Dea herself…. – I had another sip of wine, mixed with mint water, like Cornelia herself had taught me to prepare it : it would be of no use to Calpurnia’s husband, alien to a single drop of wine since his earliest memories. Yes, my lord, she was the one who opened  up new paths to me, far beyond what you or your own mother could have imagined…. Aurelia….

That happened to be an early dinner at the beginning of summer. It was still sunny and damp heat was heavily felt throughout the triclinium . We went out into the wide peristilus that your mother had decorated by mixing palm trees brought by you from the Eastern provinces and all those cypresses and pine trees without whose perfume she could not certainly do. She often told me how good it had been for you in your insula suburana , protecting you from serious health problems related to lungs, those you nephew seems to have inherited . That wine had  begun to take hold of our veins and perception… or maybe was it Cornelia’s prodigious capacity to evoke?

- Who keeps you so well-informed, my dear? Why on earth are you interested in convincing us of those Barbarians’ wonderful virtues?

Sulla’s daughter laughed. She still kept all her teeth , with no need of having them enamelled . I think she is even older than you. It might be true, after all, that story about the Gallic slave she had at her permanent service… for anything she could fancy.

- You forget that my father lived within a Gallic tribe for a long time, pretending to be one of them. Learning not only about their military strategy  but their lifestyle as well. . It quite impressed him how deep that was, the influence of the sacred in each particle of the world . Nothing to do with our ancient vegetation myths. He even took one of their women as his wife and left his own offspring there, as I later came to know. They might be about my age. Who knows, Calpurnia! Even your husband may have met them.

- Once again, Cornelia… why such an immense interest? – Marcia, as it was usual about her, let herself be driven by her intuition. Like me, she lacked that deep intellectual education which Marcus Portius had given to his daughter – You know her husband’s comments on Gallic priests and priestesses in his letters.

- Yes, like all Romans do. Though not even having seen their portraits. Those hags with grey, untangled hair and mad-like eyes, dressed in white, animal skulls hanging off their waists… you must consider that they don’ t differ much from our ancient sybils . There are women who, since their teens, have been eating hallucinogenic fungi and endured hardest fasting in order to stimulate their senses and , therefore, develop their inner sight. If you add the fact of living in isolation from a refined world as ours, alien to luxury, the importance of keeping a good look, cultivating friendship and enjoying good conversation…. Then it is clear to see. You cannot compared them to us, noble Roman ladies.

- …. Furthermore…. – Portia was alert – Do you think Caesar…. is being wholly frank in his depictions. Though being  his wife, Calpurnia,  you know what he is like. Any information from him will always be focused on making us see that those people really are Rome’s enemies. Your husband is a real strategist and a skilful manipulator of Romans’ will. You cannot deny that… -“Unlike my father”, I felt her think . Marcia also seemed to have the same view. Then I got aware that , for  a few seconds, both of them had remembered each of the confrontations between Marius and you. Cornelia, such a clever negotiator family heritage, no doubt – grasped that tense atmosphere that had unexpectedly sprung up among us

-My dear Calpurnia. Sure, I don´t mean to distort what your husband lets us know . I just… wanted to make you see that there is so much in common between those peoples’ way of… fearing, waiting… living… and ours. Anyway, those were our primitive roots , the farmers’. Remember that part of Italy has belonged to the Gaul for many, many years. Do not discard that our dear Pompeius Magnus may have some Gallic traces within his lineage.

Cornelia’s clear, cat-like eyes danced, set within her almost transparent lashes- they were said to be her father’s – No doubt there was much more running through her thoughts.

-But, Calpurnia…. Aren’t you the Pontifex Maximus’wife… and anything that may suit the legions’ will and his own ambition? Aren`t you aware that you must play a role beyond remaining here, resigned to be sat among the Vestals, even when your husband is back? - Not even could Portia and Marcia’s terrified, confused looks stop her- Girl… I do not intend to be too explicit. Just  remember that you have no children yet.. – What Cornelia was trying not to mention started to beat heavily inside my chest. Everything that had been told about Servilia…. I recalled that cold disdain I used to see in those eyes whenever I caught her look , that hurting humiliation…. All that in front of your mother Aurelia, perhaps not so alien to it all. I firmly looked within those clear, penetrating eyes. Cornelia swallowed. I held her look to force her to go on.

- You know what happened to Pompeius, my child. And… what about my own father? You have to build up a position for yourself, desperately seek for a solid role that really belongs to you alone, making you capable to indelibly stamp a trace, just like your husband’s. Do not let yourself end up like….my father …. Or my stepmother. You know that he will not grudge it to you. He is friendly and perfectly knows that you will never be able to compete with him. It is obvious that you must never act in public. You are bound to a private, silent ….hidden work. Have you ever heard about an ancient tradition which is still kept by some peoples… that of the royal priestesses and healing queens?

The three of us watched her in horror.

- Rome stopped being a monarchy more than four hundred years ago!!! – Portia’s burning eyes pointed at me – What does your husband really intend ?

- He has never mentioned what you mean, Portia. It’s only your father and the optimates’ obsessive fears.

- Calpurnia…. – Cornelia had softened her voice, somehow trying to comfort me. – My father…. He would constantly repeat it .” In this man there are many Marii “ Yes, we should also remember that your own mother-in-law used that there were many Sullae  within her son. That is what keeps me particularly sensitive about that.

- Cornelia… to which extent … did you love or hate your father?

No doubt, I caught her defenceless. Her eyes seemed to look beyond us.

- He was …. So uniquely beautiful … and, if it pleased him, ready to fully assume his role as a paterfamilias , owner of the existence of each of us . He was even compared to Apollo , which was no wrong view at all. By the time your father, Portia,  and our husbands met him , his look had already turn into a ruin. But your husband, Calpurnia, did have the opportunity of watching him  in his prime . Didn’t your mother in law tell you about him?  …. Yes, I am sure that she must certainly have depthened into this subject . He was not human; he could not have been a common human being. There was something grand, a touch of brilliantly calculated ambition, even some pitiless force… alien to whatever you may expect of anybody you know. Including your own husband, Calpurnia. Caius has a merciful human self which my father almost lacked.

- Cornelia, did you even know… ? Did you remember anything about your grandmother? His mother, I mean… - Cornelia’s look suddenly grew into some sort of ferocious, intense, devouring brightness. Might they have been her father’s eyes, responding to an unconscious spell ?

- Of course , I didn`t …. – It was a profound, controlled voice, deprived of any previous casual undertone – I doubt that he could remember her …. Or that he was even willing to it. As for my aunt, his sister, I hardly ever saw her (You know my father’s ways) But what most of you ignore is his wisdom, his eagerness to learn, his brilliant mind… Yes, no-one speaks a single word on his writings or his deep love for theatre and music.

I could read it clearly, all that irony in Portia’s half-closed eyes. Like most Romans aristocrats and members of the political class, she knew quite a lot about Lucius Cornelius’ crush on actors and male dancers. Anyway, I always had the idea that, like many other historical celebrities, Sulla’s memory had remained darkened by all those supposed proscriptions that had been made when he appointed himself as a dictator  after his return, and, therefore, the immense wealth all of it  meant for many  antimariani – What wouldn`t your dilected foster-son have done about it, my husband!. Another element had been  that unexpected profit, which, at the age of thirty-something, allowed him to  him start a political career . Such a suspicious stroke of luck! All these things  blurred away all his efforts – that you know well I cannot deny- to recover a strong Republic and restore Roman patricians’ honour after brilliant, courageous but ambitious upstarts like Caius Marius had been on the verge of ending up with it. Both you and I have even heard your mother speaking about it. You cannot hide that, my lord. Obviously, she would have never revealed that in front of our lady-friends. Moreover, she had passed away a long time before . Therefore, it would not have been proper of me to add anything to that story, spread by her own slaves throughout Subura. Of course it was diffused silently, fully aware of the person that was involved in it and what his reaction would be like if he ever came to know about it. I guess she would not tell you much on this subject, either. Though you really owe him to be able to grow up and become the man who, at that time, was beginning to be the talk of the town and even worry the Senate.

- Cornelia…. What does it all have to do , this stuff about natural forces and the fact that I might have an influential role of my own but in my husband’s shadow?

Some kind of slight, rosy, reddish, golden veil started to spread all over the tops of the pines and cypresses, whose green was gradually getting dark. The damp airstream  coming from Ostia was beginning to be felt through the palla into my arm skin while I was trying to find out the answer in those eyes- almost as transparent as yours, my husband – twinkling within the growing  sunset gloom.

-Your father, Lucius Calpurnius Piso , has frequently acted as an augur. !- I nodded – He possess a remarkable ability ;I bet it is a natural gift, the capacity to study and interpret the movement of stars. … and this is usually transmitted through blood, Calpurnia…

-Many Roman noblemen have been augurs, Cornelia… -  I clearly saw that this was no more than an excuse, hiding another reason. But, how on earth were you able to know about that…? An old shiver returned to my bone marrow.

-What I meant was that, like those queens from ancient times who were also priestesses and healing ladies, you could silently start performing some kind of similar role in order to restore the link between Rome and those forgotten natural forces . Calpurnia… this is all about the possibility for roman patrician women to recover their role as life bestowers, channelling that force beating inside . There might come a time when not even Juno Sospita or Venus’ diverse faces will be meaningful for us anymore. We cannot forget those who have sustained Rome’s life from the very beginning …. And who may have made an important contribution to develop its power so far.

I think the three of us ignored to what extent Cornelia might be impressed by anything imprecise, some kind of powerful, crucially magic-like stuff . Might there really be some sort of archaic telluric forces beyond our limits?  I had never listened to such a bold speech of hers in front of you mother Aurelia. No doubt  Cornelia would have considered that such an  utterly improper  thing to do

- My dear Cornelia, were it  as you say, how could I carry it out, anyway? Should I send for the Vestals and inform them about my plans of creating a new kind of female priesthood, led by someone who is neither a vestal or a maiden? Sometimes I even think that it is you that ought to be here in my place, not only because your age is similar to my husband’s. Yes, it should have been you instead of Pompeia from the very beginning…

I instinctively bit my tongue. Cornelia’s sharp, brilliant eyes turned dull and began wandering around. Her jaw unwillingly started to quiver slightly. She would not lead the conversation anymore during the rest of the evening